You Slay Me
by Commander Zucchini
Summary: Jacob's a baker at Grindelwald's Gourmet Bakery and Cafe. Queenie is a fashion design student that quite possibly just got him fired. Well, she and her sister and her sister's kind of not quite boyfriend and his pet mouse Niffler. Ok so it was really Niffler's fault but try explaining that to Jacob's manager. Qualski with a side of Newtina. Coffeeshop AU I am not ashamed.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Yes, the overused coffeshop/college student AU. #sorrynotsorry. I've seen Fantastic Beasts twice now – I'll probably see it again in the near future. Queenie and Jacob were so adorably PERFECT I had to do this._

 _Anyway, as most my readers should know, I'm fickle and noncommittal and reviews are my substance. I'm working with the Muse for this while I have her, I hope I can get far enough along to produce something worthwhile._

 _Not sure if this is gonna be a legit chapter series or just a bunch of random hopefully-humorous loosely-connected one-shots (which seem to work better with me), I'm just rolling with it._

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 _Chapter 1: Friday_

 _…_ _in which you only meet the characters and the author awaits feedback on what you think of this idea cause she's self-conscious and pretty lazy without sufficient motivation_

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He usually works in the back.

It's not that he isn't good with customers. Quite the opposite in fact. He's great with people. But he's not fast with numbers and cash and so Mr. G would rather have Jacob working the ovens and espresso machines than the register.

Not that he minds, really. He enjoys making the food and drinks that keep people coming back to Grindelwald's Gourmet Bakery and Cafe. He just wishes he could see their reactions a little more often, but he's usually in the back or too busy to stop and look. There are those rare occasions though, where he can stop for a couple seconds, watch a customer take that first bite of their pastry or first sip of their latte and their face just lights up like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller.

Those few rare moments he can witness it, those are worth it. No matter how much Mr. G yells and complains, when Jacob Kowalski sees a customer love something he has created, it's like a shot of espresso reenergizing and inspiring him.

It's a shame that Credence is brilliant with the register but not with his people skills, but they're working on that. Slowly. All in all, they're a pretty good team together when they work the same shift.

Now, when Mary Lou is on duty, that's another story entirely, but thankfully she's on vacation for the next couple weeks.

If there's anyone gives Credence anxiety attacks more than Mr. G, it's Mary Lou. Jacob really wonders why Credence doesn't just find another job sometimes. (He knows why, it's cause Mary Lou is Credence's controlling step mom, but the boy really just needs to spread his wings and fly, get a job he actually likes. Like accounting for inanimate objects.)

It's a good job for the most part though. Nice customers for the most part, nice part of town, nice cozy setup inside, decent pay and not horrible benefits and only two insane coworkers to deal with (the rest are only mildly insane), if you don't count the owner. Who rarely ever comes by anyway, so it's not that big of an issue.

Jacob Kowalski likes his job.

Until the day he's pretty sure he loses it.

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She usually works in the lobby. As an RA, she likes to be easily available for the girls to come and ask her questions, and it's just easier keep an eye on things. When she really needs to focus, she locks herself in her room and that's usually not too very often. She just enjoys being around people so much more. She finds fulfilment in helping people. Perhaps even more so than completing a design project or even being featured in an article of a magazine (although that had been pretty wonderful).

Queenie Goldstein is going to miss this when she graduates at the end of the school year.

She's pretty excited about the possible internships she has available to her once she graduates, though. And also really, really excited about being able to move back in with her sister Tina (whom she misses fiercely). Sure, they're attend the same campus, but Tina's a grad assistant and has her own place, and Queenie is required to stay on campus if she wants to get paid and be able to graduate. Their parents had a little money set aside for their girls' education when they passed, but Tina and Queenie have mostly had to rely on scholarship opportunities and work to get them through.

They still see each other occasionally and even get to talk sometimes, but it's hard when you have two really busy schedules, especially after Tina's near loss of her assistantship with a slight(ly major) mishap, and also even harder when Tina has a definitely-interested-just-too-awkward-and-shy-to-actaully-ask-her-out fellow grad student talking with her a bit more often. Rather than moping and worrying that the boy will take her place in her beloved sister's heart, Queenie has taken it upon herself to try and lift her sister's recently low spirits and help the situation along.

 _Message from Queenie Goldstein 6:31 pm_

 _Hey Newton! You busy tomorrow morning? Wondered if you wanted to meet Tina and I at Grindewald's for breakfast at 9, we're working on a little project, maybe you could help us out :)_

 _Message from Newton Scamander 6:34 pm_

 _Hello Queenie, that sounds lovely. Count me in. What sort of project is it?_

 _Message from Queenie Goldstein 6:36 pm_

 _Ok so it's more like Tina was gonna help me on one of my projects, but I could use your European input ;)_

 _Message from Newton Scamander 6:37 pm_

 _Lol sure, I'll see you then._

So yeah, maybe Queenie just invited Newton to invade their Saturday sister breakfast time, but she's hoping that it can be a catalyst for better and brighter things for her sister's future.

Little does she realize it will also be a catalyst for her own future as well.

And in the process maybe ruining someone else's day briefly.

But only briefly.

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 _"_ _You're a reviewer, Harry." –Hagrid_

 _Please review!_


	2. Chapter 2

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 _Chapter Two_

 _...in which Jacob is pretty certain that his life is officially over_

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It's a busy morning, but it's a typical busy. Jacob can easily keep up with the Saturday morning rush and Credence only reaches for his inhaler once.

It's during these three minutes of Credence being in the back that Jacob mans the register.

It's during these three minutes that the next customer comes up to order and Jacob almost forgets how to human.

The most beautiful girl to grace mankind is standing in front of him, smiling radiantly like she's the sun itself. Her reddish blonde hair and pink coat remind him for two seconds of Mildred, his ex, before he banishes those thoughts from his mind.

Evidently this goddess before him is accustomed to such a severe reaction of shock, as her brilliant smile is turned down just a couple notches, and she says in a mellow and lilting voice, "Six shots of espresso on a tray, to stay please. Oo, and one of those adorable abominable snowman cookies."

Despite himself, there are several thoughts now rampaging through Jacob's head at this moment.

1\. How could such beauty and such a wonderful voice even exist. This should definitely be defying all laws of physics.

2\. Six shots

3\. What

4\. What

5\. She serious?

6\. Did she just call his abominable snowmen adorable?

7\. (He knows that they are, but to hear it from her lips just wow)

8\. Is she waiting for a response from him

9\. Yes, yes she is.

"Uh. Uh, yeah. Yes. Yes, sure thing miss," Jacob keys in the order as soon as he remembers how to make his fingers do that moving thing. But then he halts - "Um, did you - did you say _six_ espresso shots?"

The girl giggles and Jacob wants to hear that sound forever for the rest of his life, just record it and play it back, even better that he caused it. (Let's see if we can do that again)

"Hehe, yeah I did, but don't worry, sweetie, they're not all for me," she says with a wink and Jacob about falls over.

He rubs his hands on his apron firmly and steadily, determined to get a grip on himself.

 _Settle down, dude. You're just feeling a bit lonely, no need to totally lose your cool over some (amazingly gorgeous) girl. She's just a pretty girl, not like you haven't seen any pretty girls in your life (none like this but yeah ok). You're just rebounding and this girl probably has a boyfriend anyway (500% certain) so just be like Elsa and let it go. You gotta get it together or Mr. G will seriously never ever let you on the register ever again ever._

Jacob nods, determined to prove himself a good cashier for all three minutes that he acts as one. "Right, so that's six espressos, and one abominable snowman, to stay. We're also having a special on our holiday muffins this weekend, buy two get one, and if I do say so myself, they are just amazing."

The girl's eyes light up and she looks behind her at who Jacob guesses must be her companions seated at a table. "Actually, yes, I think I will do that," she grins. She taps a finger to her lips as she tries to decide on a flavor.

"I'll tell you a little secret," Jacob says conspiratorially and lowers his voice. "I just made a batch of the holiday spice - they're still hot. And our best seller too. You should get that for yourself if you're a fan of spice, and then just order the other two holiday flavors for your friends there and you can sample off them," he whispers with a wink.

Delighted, the girl giggles once more ( _mission accomplished_ ), "Oh, you're a genius! Wow, and you bake all these yourself?" she asks in awe.

"Heheh, well, not all but..."

There's an impatient cough from behind the young woman and Jacob catches a glimpse of a clearly annoyed patron - and the four guests behind him.

Jacob hurries through the order and Credence is next to him now. "Oh, hey pal, you ready to take back over?"

"Yeah, thank you so much, Jacob," Credence says, sounding like he's about to start crying. Jacob smiles and claps him on the shoulder friendlily. He always sounds that way.

"Not a problem. My pleasure," Jacob grins. _No, thank_ you _, Credence. I just met the most wonderful woman in the world thanks to your perfect timing. I owe you one_ , Jacob thinks to himself.

Jacob makes sure the tray is utmost perfection before he picks it up and slowly walks it over to the table by the window where the girl is sitting with her friends. Usually he just calls out the order, but he makes special exceptions for a few, like elderly patrons and beautiful girls.

He's almost to the table when he hears a hushed and frantic "oh no" and sees something small and gray dart towards him.

Towards him.

Small.

Gray.

Mouse.

Mouse.

Mouse.

In the bakery.

He's mid step and the mouse is

There

Under his foot

Just as he's about to step

He changes his step at the last second. Now Jacob isn't the most agile of guys, and in retrospect maybe he should've squashed the mouse in the bakery (in retro-retrospect it's a good thing he didn't) but all the same, Jacob is now planking on the bakery floor with six espresso shots, an abominable cookie, holiday muffins, and screaming and scrambling patrons all around him.

Jacob is planking in front of the beautiful blonde girl he will never even speak to again, he realizes with trepidation and shame as he hears the voice of Mr. G, "Kowalski!"

He feels himself being hefted upwards, hands brushing squashed muffin and espresso out of his hair.

The girl and one of her friends are looking anxiously at him, the other friend is dashing around the bakery like a crazy man. "I'm so, so, so sorry, are you alright?" the girl is saying and despite knowing this is his last day on planet Earth, Jacob is glad he at least gets to die in the arms of an angel.

Please just let him die.

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 _A/N: Sorry for the wait, my first attempt at this chapter fell through kinda. So, just a short update. Hopefully can churn out some more soon, but do review, let me know what you think :) it inspires me to write more ~_

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 _"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four Privet Drive, were proud to say that they always reviewed, thank you very much."_

 _Plz review ;)_


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